Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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