Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
