oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
