Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize