the condom got lost in my hair
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
