I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
