fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
