Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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