like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
