I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
