allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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