dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
