grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
