i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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