do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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