Already got asked if we're dating
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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