Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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