He kissed a someone with a penis
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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