the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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