i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
