I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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