i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
