youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
