Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
