I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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