If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
