Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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