the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
