there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
