Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.