I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
