The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.