I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
