OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.