He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.