hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.