I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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