hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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