I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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