I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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