Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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