So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
