listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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