You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
