I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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