Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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