I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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