Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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