wrigley field is MILF paradise
id be glad to
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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