I think im going to throw up on grandma
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
