Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
