It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
