Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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