I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
