He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
