I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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