So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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