New low: just hacked my moms facebook
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize