he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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