there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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