HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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