and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
