Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
