She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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