I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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