thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
