conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
